How to Handle Holiday Stress Without Losing Yourself

Is it the most wonderful time of the year…?

When I was growing up, the Hudson’s Bay flagship store in Toronto would create these lovely miniature holiday displays in their windows. They were always so picturesque of winter wonderlands, Santa’s workshop, and community gatherings, and always transports me to that idealized, and romanticized, Victorian time of carol singers, soft snow falling, and little kids getting a dog as a gift. You can probably imagine the same.

Let’s be honest though… December is much more of a pressure cooker than a snow globe. Holiday stress is real – there are family dynamics, financial pressure, the expectation to be merry when you’re already exhausted, and that underlying anxiety that seems to come with the season. There are family stressors, financial stressors, the expectation to be merry stressors, the holiday anxiety. It’s tiring. And then, on top of it all, diet culture sneaks into our lives through media or well-meaning family members. This time of year is easy for us to be ridiculously hard on ourselves, but it doesn’t have to be that way. Building sustainable habits isn’t about motivation, it’s about small, consistent choices that actually work for your life.

It is easier said than done, holiday stress is so common that 9 in 10 Americans reported feeling stressed or overwhelmed during the holiday season. So this isn’t necessarily just about being soft on yourself – it’s about giving your nervous system a break so you can actually function. Self-compassion reduces perceived stress, and studies have shown that practicing self-compassion during stressful moments can have a positive effect on your brain and body. If you start listening to the negative self-talk going on in your head, everything becomes harder.

What holiday stress can actually look like

Holiday stress can feel so specific. The comparison trap of everyone’s social media vs your reality. The old patterns from family dynamics. The financial stress of gift-giving. The grief that surfaces when traditions remind you of loss, whether it’s a person, a version of yourself, or a life you thought you’d have.. The overall exhaustion of performing “holiday cheer” when you’re already on empty. This is an objectively stressful time, and in the end we’re just human.

What self-care actually means during holiday stress

When we’re talking about being kind to ourselves, let’s make sure we’re defining this properly.

It is not:

• letting yourself off the hook for everything
• being uncommitted or lazy
• making excuses
• toxic positivity

It is:

• giving yourself permission to change plans
• acknowledging you’re doing the best with what you have
• talking to yourself like a close friend
• remembering that rest isn’t something you have to earn
• taking a moment to breathe and slow down
• recognizing you’re not alone

When we’re stretching our bodies, we’re creating space in one area and compressing another, and just like that, you can adjust your holidays for what your capacity is.

Actually helpful things you can do this holiday season

Things you can actually do to help when that holiday stress is creeping up on you:

• Pick one thing that actually brings you joy and protect it. Everything else is negotiable.
• Set boundaries around expectations, time, and emotional capacity (essential for protecting mental health)
• If you catch yourself in a spiral, consider what you’d say to a friend in the moment, and say it to yourself
• Write yourself a permission slip: saying no without elaborate explanations, to skip events that are draining, to feel the feelings you have to feel

And when you need a micro moment to yourself…

• Keep a blanket handy for when you need to literally wrap yourself in comfort
• Take three deep breaths before responding to anything that brings your stress levels up
• Step outside for a few minutes if you’re feeling overwhelmed

That holiday stress is real for so many of us, and pretending it’s not doesn’t make it easier. Focus on what does make them easier, though, like treating yourself with the same compassion you would with a friend, finding some gentle movement to check in on your body, and decompressing with a feel-good show.

You don’t have to be perfect, and you definitely don’t have to do it all. One of the kindest things you can do for yourself this holiday season is giving yourself the permission to do less, feel more, and know that is enough.

If you want to give your body some kindness this month, along with your mind, The Garden has short, gentle movement classes designed for the holiday stress – no pressure, no “should”, just movement that feels good.